Unspeakable and Inhuman – script for episode 10

Here’s the first installment of the unproduced scripts.

WARNING: This episode is especially vulgar, even for this show. I’m not sure if the MPAA would rate this PG-13 or R, but since it’s not a movie I don’t have to worry about it. But if you’re reading it, you do. You have been warned.

Remember this show is still copyrighted so don’t take and run with this script without the permission of the authors.

Enjoy.

The Unspeakable and the Inhuman, Episode 10
By Derek Fetters and Sam Stewart©2008

CHARACTERS (in order of appearance)
NARRATOR
BAXTER CALHOUN
STELLA MADDOX-RUTHERFORD
RANDOLPH MADDOX
STRANGER

THE UNSPEAKABLE AND THE INHUMAN, EPISODE 10

(SOUND OF HEAVY RAIN AND OCCASIONAL THUNDER)

NARRATOR: Welcome to Dâgōn Island: an isolated Northwest enclave with a most eccentric populace, a sinister history, and secrets so horrifying that once revealed lead to madness and death! (THUNDER CLAP)

(MUSIC: EERIE NOISE CREATED BY THEREMIN OR SAW)

It is said that residents of Dâgōn Island live the lives of (THUNDER CRASH) (ECHOING VOICE) The Unspeakable and The Inhuman! (END ECHOING VOICE)

(MUSIC EERIE SOUND BUILDS TO A CLIMAX AND ENDS)
(RAIN AND THUNDER ENDS WITH A FINAL THUNDER CLAP)

Arthur Maddox, recently passed patriarch of the Maddox family, has bequeathed to his grandson, Baxter Calhoun, an ancient tome of Arabic mathematical lore – the Al-Djinn fil hisaab. However, no one knows the book’s location. Since the family has done everything short of violating the strict rules of the Maddox estate in order to find the book, Baxter has concluded the only way to find the tome is to break the rules. We join him now as he continues his quest.

(SOUNDS OF THE LONESOME MOORS. VERY BLEAK, WINDY, A WOLF HOWLS IN THE FAR DISTANCE)

BAXTER: I guess this is the altar, at least it’s the only altary-looking thing out here. Well, here goes…

(SOUND OF PANTS ZIPPER LOWERING)

BAXTER: Jeez, it’s creepy out here, it’s hard to get going. And so cold…

(SOUND OF FAINT TRICKLE OF LIQUID)

BAXTER: Ahhh…

STELLA: Nice night for a ‘whiz’, isn’t it?

BAXTER: Gah!! Stella! I, ah…

STELLA: Baxter, I didn’t know you were into ‘water sports’. You have the most intriguing hobbies.

BAXTER: Stella…no…it isn’t what it looks like…

STELLA: It looks like you are peeing on a rock in the middle of a moor.

BAXTER: Well, then it is what it looks like, but I can explain…

(TRICKLE FINALLY STOPS, ZIPPER SOUND AGAIN)

BAXTER: There, that’s better. Now, as I was saying, I’m still working my way through the Rules and…hey, wait a minute. What are you doing out here?

STELLA: I sometimes come out here to think.

BAXTER: At midnight?

STELLA: Yes.

BAXTER: In a negligee?

STELLA: Oh, this old thing? Baxter, really, I consider this nothing more than a ratty old housecoat.

BAXTER: Yes, but it’s the stiletto heels that really tie the ensemble together. But seriously, Stella, what are you doing out here?

STELLA: Just checking up on my favorite little rebel. So, how’s it coming along, y’know, breaking the rules?

BAXTER: Not so good. Randolph and I went through several rules at the house, mostly in the low 40’s. We looked in the ossuary, the crypt, the map room and the aviary. Why, again do you have a fully-functioning abattoir?

STELLA: I suspect it keeps the meat fresher.

BAXTER: Yes, well, we were just about to go into the dungeon when Waverly shooed us away.

STELLA: Oh good, we can do a “private” tour later.

BAXTER: That’s when Randolph got bored and went to bed. I couldn’t sleep, so I’m trying my luck out here. I’m currently breaking Rule #36: Do Not Profane The Black Altar On The Moor.

STELLA: Well, it doesn’t look like that’s working. Perhaps you aren’t using the right kind of profanity.

BAXTER: Oh, I think I know what you are getting at…

STELLA: Yes…

BAXTER: YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!!!

STELLA: What?!

BAXTER: YOUR MOTHER’S A WHORE!!! FUCK! SHIT! SHIT-FUCK!!

STELLA: Baxter, that’s…

BAXTER: BALLS!!!

STELLA: BAXTER! That’s not what I had in mind. I was thinking of something a little more…sexual…in nature.

BAXTER: Well, I had wanted to get this done tonight. I’d have to go into town, find a girl, bring her out here. It is a week-night, that might be a problem. Stella, are there ‘ladies’ like that on the island?

STELLA: A-hem?

BAXTER: Ha, ha, yes, you are very funny. But really, I don’t think I could do something like that anyway. All I’d be thinking of is that my urine is covering the “boudoir”, as it were.

STELLA: Oh, urine is sterile. And some girls are into that.

BAXTER: Ew.

STELLA: Oh, pish tosh! You need to loosen up. Why don’t you have a drink?
BAXTER: I’ve already had, like, a gallon of iced tea. And besides, where am I going to get a drink out here?

(SOUND OF A SMALL DOOR CREAKING OPEN, CLINKING GLASSES)

STELLA: How ‘bout right here?

BAXTER: Is that a wet bar hidden inside that tree?

STELLA: I had a few of these babies installed throughout the grounds. You never know when you need to be “topped off”. What are you, a “margarita man”?
(SOUND OF A BLENDER PULSING)

BAXTER: Wait, wait!

(BLENDER SOUND STOPS)

BAXTER: Stella, put that down. What do you think is going to happen here?

STELLA: Don’t think. There’s just you, there’s me. The moon. This alter.

BAXTER: Oh, you mean us! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You realize I’m your cousin.

STELLA: Oh, twice-removed.

BAXTER: No, I’m a mathematician and I’ve done the math. We’re first cousins.

STELLA: So?

BAXTER: Haven’t you heard of incest?

STELLA: Oh, to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to. Incest, eyenskest.

BAXTER: Eyenskest? That’s not even a word.

STELLA: Well, then it can’t be wrong, can it?

BAXTER: Hey, let go of that.

(SOUND OF BAXTER MOVING TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ALTER)

BAXTER: Stella, I think I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

STELLA: Baxter, darling, you can really turn down this?

BAXTER: Oh, no, put that back on.

STELLA: Especially when I can do this?

BAXTER: My, you’re limber.

STELLA: Or this?

BAXTER: Wow. That’s, uh, quite impressive. But listen, even without the incest, you are still a married woman. And did I mention the incest?

STELLA: It’s O.K. Dr. Gregory is just a trophy husband. Besides, he’ll bang any candy striper within arm’s reach. Now, come and give mamma some sugar!

BAXTER: Oh, that’s wrong on so many levels.

(SOUND OF CLOTHES RUSTLING)

BAXTER: Stella, stop it!

STELLA: Oh, so smooth. Do you shave your chest?

BAXTER: No! Hey, don’t…

STELLA: Oh!!!

(WRESTLING SOUNDS ABRUPTLY STOP)

STELLA: Baxter, what is that?

BAXTER: It’s nothing, really…

STELLA: It looks like…

BAXTER: No, really! Nothing! It’s nothing.

STELLA: I don’t…I don’t feel so good…

BAXTER: Stella, I…

STELLA: I think I better go back to the house and lie down.

BAXTER: Would you like me to…

STELLA: No, no! I can make my own way…

(SOUNDS OF STELLA WALKING AWAY)

BAXTER: Okay, um, bye…

(FADE OUT BACKGROUND SOUNDS OF THE MOORS)

(FADE IN THE SOUND OF A CROWD AND FAINT MIDDLE-EASTERN STYLE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND)

BAXTER: Thanks for getting me out of the house, Randolph. This is some marketplace.

RANDOLPH: Yeah, it’s been here forever.

BAXTER: I like the exotic design of it, with the minarets, the arches, repeated geometric shapes. Has it always had this Arabian nights kind of feel to it?

RANDOLPH: It changes depending on the imagination of the people who come here. So the motif shifts constantly.

BAXTER: You’d think they’d have changed the theme after 9-11. Homeland Security must be profiling this whole place.

RANDOLPH: Except that there aren’t any actual Arabs here. Except maybe for that guy in the purple robes and turban.

BAXTER: (STARTLED) Whoa. You mean that black man there?

RANDOLPH: Sshh! You don’t have to be so loud.

BAXTER: But he’s really, completely black!

RANDOLPH: Oh my God. You should at least say African American. You mean, he’s really, completely African American.

BAXTER: No, I don’t. I’m not talking about skin tone. I mean, (CONFUSED) there’s no light. Where he’s standing, there’s no light. He’s an absence of light in human shape.

(SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING BAXTER)

RANDOLPH: He’s walking over here. I think he heard you talking about him.

(FOOTSTEPS STOP)

BAXTER: Uh, hi. I hope I didn’t offend you…

STRANGER: The Al-Djinn-fil-hisaab. You seek it?

BAXTER: How did you know about…

STRANGER: You have been using the correct strategy, but have been looking in the wrong place. The key to its location is in the cave at the edge of the woods.

(QUICKLY FADE OUT BACKGROUND)

BAXTER: How do you know about the cave? Randolph does he know your fam… ? Randolph? Where’d you go?

STRANGER: But before you find this book and use it to its full extent you must embrace me.

BAXTER: Uh, I don’t really know you.

STRANGER: Then I will remove my disguise and show you.

(THE SOUND OF CLOTHING BEING TAKEN OFF, CRUMPLING, FALLING TO THE FLOOR)

STRANGER: This is me.

(THE SOUND OF FABRIC TEARING, RIPPING, RENDING, THEN THE SOUND OF SCRATCHING, LIKE THE BUILDUP OF A HORDE OF RATS INSIDE A CONDEMNED BUILDING, THEN SKIN TEARING, RIPPING, SHREDDING, BLOOD DRIPPING, THEN SPLATTERING)

STRANGER: (GRUNTS, GIVES OUT LITTLE YELPS OF PAIN COINCIDING WITH THE ABOVE SOUNDS AND THEN SAYS ) Embrace me.

BAXTER: No. Oh, my God, no.

(THE BUILD UP OF SEVERAL NOISES AS THE SOUNDS OF REMOVING OF CLOTHES AND SKIN CONTINUES: SNAKES RATTLING, CHAINS RATTLING, THE CRACKING AND SNAPPING OF BONES, FIRE, THE DISTANT SCREAMS AND CRIES OF CHILDREN. EERIE ATMOSPHERIC SOUNDS BUILD. EXPLOSIONS, GUNFIRE. THE INCREASING SOUNDS OF SLITHERING, WRITHING, SLOPPING – ALL BUILD TO AN OVERWHELMING CONFLAGRATION OF UNCOMFORTABLE SOUND)

STRANGER: (REPEATING THROUGH THE ABOVE SOUNDS) Embrace me!

(THE SOUNDS COME TO A CRESSENDO AND THEN)

BAXTER: (SCREAMING) No. Noo. Nooooooo!

(ALL SOUNDS STOP SUDDENLY AND AT ONCE)

BAXTER: (GASPING FOR AIR) Oh God! Goddamn, that was a horrible dream. What the hell was that about?

(ALL WE HEAR IS BAXTER’S BELABORED BREATHING FOR A FEW SECONDS)

BAXTER: I wonder if… What time is it?

(PAUSE)

BAXTER: It’s 2 am.

(PAUSE)

BAXTER: What the hell. I’m sure not getting back to sleep. Might as well check out the cave.

(FADE IN RAIN AND THUNDER)

NARRATOR: What was so unnerving to Stella that it keep her from pursuing the aggressive seduction of her cousin, Baxter Calhoun? Was Baxter’s dream merely a dream? And if not, will Baxter find something meaningful or dangerous in the cave at the edge of the woods?

(MUSIC: EERIE NOISE CREATED BY THEREMIN OR SAW)

NARRATOR: To find the answers to these questions and more, keep listening to the macabre tales of (ECHOING VOICE) The Unspeakable and the Inhuman! (END ECHO)

(MUSIC EERIE SOUND COMES TO A CLIMAX AND ENDS)
(FADE OUT RAIN)

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Published in: on September 20, 2011 at 2:32 am  Leave a Comment  

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